Surprising Life Lessons I Learned From the MCU
An introspective analysis from writer and Review Room founder Alexandria Nelson
So, I’m going to be completely honest….I am NOT a Marvel fan. Sure, I was down for the ride in the beginning ,or phase 1, as the Avengers came into their own and eventually assembled, but I checked out quite early in this saga. I absolutely loathed the Iron Man movies, which kind of took me out of the continued storylines, the Antman movies were atrocious, and I always felt like Black Widow not getting her own standalone film until a ridiculous amount of time later was bordering on negligence. But, after a while, I eventually came back and watched the whole Avengers saga through Endgame. After that, I swore off Marvel for good. I figured I put in the work to watch all of these stories that culminated into “The Big One”, so I can now be done for good. I figured since Endgame seemed to be the logical end and peak for this franchise, everything else that would come after would seriously decline in quality and relevance…and low and behold I was correct. The films in the following phases of the MCU have ranged subpar to complete failures. And, with the implementation of their own streaming service, Disney has been pumping out television shows and one offs as well that tie into the Avengers storyline and introduce B and C list heroes/villains. These additional shows have become exhausting and repetitive at this point and just turned the MCU into a jumbled mess that really shows how special the original Avengers saga was. With all of this being said, I have to admit I eventually came back to the MCU after several years out of pure curiosity…And I was actually surprised at what I found. Sure, much of the new Marvel content I’ve consumed thus far hasn’t been the best and the writing in pretty much all of it leaves much to be desired, but what I found was…surprisingly good life advice. Through my reentry into the MCU, I’ve watched shows and movies that had underlying messages or short pieces of wisdom that actually spoke to me. These moments and messages were incredibly unique and perceptive; this was something I definitely was not expecting from Marvel. With all this in mind, I want to explore some of these insightful elements in detail and explain what I gleaned from them.
Spoiler Warning Ahead: I will be spoiling the plot and endings for several Marvel shows as well as films.
WandaVision
Ok, so this entire show hits me to my core. WandaVision is essentially a superhero show about grief. Wanda Maximoff, aka the Scarlet Witch, inadvertently takes over the small town of Westview, New Jersey and creates an alternate reality for herself that takes the form of many eras of American television. The show, within a show, starts off in the 60’s style black and white and moves over to color, parodying popular media such as the Dick Van Dyke show all the way to the Office and Modern Family. Wanda created this world after she returned from the Blip and visited a location her lover, sentient being Vision, mapped out for her. The location was a residential plot of land he had planned on building a house on for them to live in together. Unfortunately, Vision died in the Endgame film and was sadly unable to finish the construction. In an intense moment of grief and sadness, Wanda’s powers essentially explode and she creates her dream reality in the small town and even creates a duplicate Vision.
Although things seem perfect, outside forces threaten Wanda’s utopia and shocking revelations come to light. This show resonated with me so much because I am someone who has experienced extreme grief. Just as Wanda, I lost someone very important to me well before their time. As a result, my grief took a hold of me in hard to explain and define ways. This show really highlighted just how crazy grief is. It affects everyone differently and we all react to it in different ways. I know that a lot of critics of this show minimize Wanda’s grief as simply being “sad” or “narcissistic”, but, with all due respect, those people are wrong. No one gets to define what proper representations of grief and how we react to it are; add intense trauma to this equation and you get an emotional powder keg. And, in terms of the MCU, add super/witch powers to this and you get…well…WandaVision. Wanda is a woman who suffered from insane amounts of trauma; She witnessed the death of her parents, her brother being shot down by Ultron, and having to kill her lover Vision in Infinity War, just for Thanos to pull the rug from under them and use the Time Stone to rewind the moment and kill Vision in a horrific way himself.
Wanda experienced all of this and clearly was not able to get any help for it as she was vaporized in the Blip for five years. So, everything she did in Westview, which was essentially enslave an entire town of people to fit her fantasy narrative, block any attempt for anyone to intervene, and lie to everyone (including herself) is completely understandable under the guise of grief. Now, I am not saying what Wanda did was justified, what I am saying is that what she did is a near perfect representation of someone in her position expressing her grief. To give a more personal example, when I lost my first child after his first 72 hours of life, I went on a downward spiral. At first, his death didn’t seem real. After recovering from my C Section, I started drinking and lashing out at my partner. I pushed people who tried to help me away and I became someone else. I fell into a pretty deep depression that I became someone that nobody, not even my family members, wanted to talk to a lot. As a result, I kind of retreated into my own little world. I stopped going out and stayed at home a lot. I deleted all of my social media accounts and pretty much stayed to myself. I would go to work, come home, and stay up all night as I fantasized about what things would be like if my son had lived. Although I didn’t torture an entire town, I did alienate the people in my life with my grief and created my own little world that I saw as desirable, but, in reality, was highly problematic and toxic. There is a really good moment in this show where Agatha Harkness briefly wakes everyone up as she confronts Wanda in the town square, and one of the citizens says that they only feel her pain and grief and that, when she lets them sleep, they have her nightmares. This moment really illustrates how those suffering from grief can spread that grief to others and draw them into their pain and sadness. When I was going through my grief, I could tell that I was dragging others down with me. I could see their eyes squint uncomfortably when I would harp on certain things and I started getting the memo that people didn’t want to be around me when they stopped texting and calling me.
One other thing WandaVision does incredibly well is show that grief tends to bring out a very selfish nature in those suffering from it. Wanda did not take the feelings, beliefs, and lives of the citizens of Westview in mind when she created the Hex and thereby her fantasy world. The Westview citizens were robbed of their free will and cut off from the outside world without a say or chance to leave. Wanda doing what she did put her pain above everyone else and this is exactly what grieving people tend to do. Hell, it’s what I did. I thought that my tragedy, my pain, was the only thing that mattered and, as a result, I ended up punishing those around me by making everything about me and pushing them away if they didn’t commiserate with me. This aspect of the show was spot on and really resonated with me.
WandaVision is an incredible show that taught me so much. But, I think the main thing I walked away from after watching it was this: You cannot escape the grief and pain of tragedy. Once something traumatic happens to you, that will always stay with you. But, you can choose to get help, allow the people around you to help you heal, and allow yourself to really feel what you’re feeling instead of hiding from it. Wanda chose to suppress her grief and pain and, in a moment of intense emotional distress, she retreated from reality. She created her own perfect world, but it was never perfect. As her world fell apart, she desperately tried to fix it, which in turn made things worse. I, like Wanda, attempted to retreat from my pain and self medicate with alcohol, avoidance, and trauma dumping. Much like her, I tried to hide my grief and refused to deal with it. Once I finally saw just how much I was not only hurting myself but also others, that’s when I was finally able to see the problem: Me. Creating and living in a fantasy world doesn’t serve or help anyone. The only way out of grief is through it. You cannot take short-cuts and you cannot just plaster on a smile and pretend like your pain doesn’t exist. It’s important to feel what you are feeling and go through the pain, no matter how much it hurts because, as we see with Wanda, ignoring it only makes it worse and spreads to others in a negative way.
What If…Dr. Strange Lost His Heart Instead of His Hands
What If… is a fantastic animated series that carries out alternate reality stories of MCU characters that answers the question What If. This show has some incredible animation and creative storytelling, which range from “What if Peggy Carter was the first Avenger” to “What if T’Challa was Starlord”. They were even able to get quite a few of the original actors back to voice their characters. In the Dr. Strange episode Stephen Strange’s car accident, which rendered his hands pretty much useless, includes Christine in the car with him. As they make their way to an award ceremony, they are driven off the road trying to bypass a semi-truck and Christine sadly passes away.
Strange then begins his journey looking for answers to bring Christine back when he joins the magic wielders of Kamar-Taj (to be honest I forgot what they are called because I kept falling asleep during the first Dr. Strange movie). After a long time training, Strange is able to use his powers to go back in time and save Christine. Unfortunately, each time he went back Christine would always die no matter who he did. As he continues to try, the Ancient One comes to him and says that Christine’s death is essentially his “catalyst event”. Basically, in every timeline, Christine is destined to die because her death is what sets Strange on his journey to become the man who would join the Avengers, defeat Thanos, and save the universe. Without Christine dying, he does not become Dr. Strange.
This episode really gave me some clarity on a personal situation of mine. You see, not too long ago my husband revealed to me that he had been cheating on me for the past several months with a woman that worked for him. What made this worse is that I was pregnant with our third child at the time and we had just celebrated our five year anniversary. Needless to say, I did not take this very well. I was angry, sad, confused…just all the emotions amplified by a thousand with my pregnancy hormones. Long story short, I decided to divorce my husband and moved away from him. After some time had passed, I had an epiphany. Much like Dr. Strange, I went on a journey, not for mystical powers, but one of personal growth. I started doing more for myself, getting in shape, and putting more energy into the things that really matter in my life; I.e, my children. And, one day, much like the Ancient One approaching Dr. Strange, I realized that this particularly hard time in my life had to happen the way it did in order to become the woman I am today. Without my husband cheating, I never would have realized my own self worth. I never would have discovered who I am without him and I never would have gained this insight about forgiveness and moving on. I am the woman I am today because of the terrible things that have happened to me in the past. And, to be completely honest, I am much better for it. Now I know what I am capable of on my own and who I want to be. I know now to be careful with my heart and to never let someone else make me feel inferior.
It’s wild that one animated short, featuring my least favorite MCU character, made me realize this.
And, since we’re already on the subject of Dr. Strange…
Dr. Strange and the Multiverse of Madness
The Multiverse of Madness is well…about the Multiverse. In this film, Dr. Strange travels through the Multiverse as he tries to save a young girl named America Chavez from Wanda Maximoff. You see, America has a unique superpower; she can rip tears into the fabric of space and time, which function as portals to different universes. Wanda wants to steal her power so she can go to a universe where her kids, who stopped existing after she broke the Hex in WandaVision, are alive and be with them. Unfortunately for America, taking her power would mean killing her. So, it’s up to Strange to protect her.
Now, this film is no gem, but what I learned from it was more…conceptual. The idea that many universes exist and that, within those universes, every decision you made that forged different paths exists as well. As someone who actually believes in multiversal theory, I take comfort in the fact that in some universe and alternate timeline, my first born child is still alive. I can believe that in another universe, I am a best selling author, a prolific artist, an activist who brought down a major corporation, the list goes on. There is a very telling scene near the climax of the story where Wanda is using the Darkhold, a book of dark magic, to try and possess her body in another universe to track down America Chavez and Wong spits some absolute truth. After learning her motivations for wanting to track down and kill America to gain her power, Wong basically says Is it no comfort to you that, in another universe, another version of you is with her kids and is happy. Is that not enough just to know that? This line, in this rather mediocre movie, really spoke to me. In my time of struggle, one of the things that gets me through is the thought that somewhere, in another time, my life is perfect and I am not in any kind of pain. Although Wanda didn’t listen to Wong, I certainly will. Whenever I feel like my pain is too much, I remind myself that this is just one universe in a vast sea of them. This indeed comforts me.
Quick Aside: I also really like the fact that this film posits that dreams are actually memories from another you in a different universe. This was not only interesting, but quite comforting as well. I really like trying to analyze my dreams and figure out what they mean. Imagining now that what I dreamt actually happened to me in another universe is wild!
Captain Marvel
I know, I know…nobody seems to like Captain Marvel. Although, I really think people just don’t like Brie Larson as Captain Marvel. This kind of baffles me because I thought she was great in this role and I quite liked this film. Many critics have panned it because of their personal issues with Brie, as she tends to be very outspoken about her personal views, or because they thought the female empowerment narrative was a little too on the nose. Either way, I personally thought the movie was great! But, more specifically, I liked one of the core narratives in this film; not letting others define you and never giving up. Captain Marvel was essentially kidnapped by the Kree and her entire life was a lie. Her colleagues and the supreme intelligence (the ruler of the planet Hala) all tell her what they think she is and even stop-gap her powers.
It isn’t until she crash lands on Earth and learns the truth that she is really set free. She learns that she was a human being that was kidnapped by the Kree after absorbing the power from an alien core/engine. In her flashbacks while she’s sifting through her memories Vers, aka Carol Danvers, learns that she was always someone who never let others stop her from achieving her goals. From her father telling her she couldn’t ride go-karts with the boys to an air force pilot saying that women shouldn’t fly, she took all that negative energy and turned it into fuel to drive her desire to succeed. She kept hearing everyone tell her who they thought she was, but she chose to define herself. If you ask me, this is a superpower within itself. The power of perseverance was another lesson I learned from this film. Even when she failed, Carol would always get up and try again. If you fail, don’t be afraid to get up and keep trying. This is a lesson I’ve been carrying with me as I rebuild my life. With every job I get rejected from, with every challenge that comes my way, with every negative thought I have about not being good enough for someone or something, I remember those powerful images of Carol Danvers standing up, standing tall, and refusing to quit.
Moon Knight
Moon Knight has to be one of my favorite modern Marvel shows. Moon Knight is a show about Steven Grant, a humble, nerdy museum gift shop worker, who lives a fairly mundane life…except for when his alternate personality takes over. You see, Steven has DID, Dissociative Identity Disorder, and one of his personalities is a mercenary named Marc Spector. Whenever Steven goes to sleep, Marc tends to take over and he’ll wake up with strange marks on his body or feeling like he’s been in battle…which he often had been. It isn’t until Steven wakes up in this random town in the swiss alps, or somewhere in Austria, in the middle of a field with people shooting at him that he realizes he’s been taken over again despite his safety measures in place at his apartment. Later on in the show, after a particular life and death situation, Steven learns that Marc isn’t just his alter, but he is also the human avatar of Khonsu, the Egyptian God of the moon. You see, Marc, in mercenary mode, was dying somewhere in the desert when Khonsu appeared to him with an offering. Khonsu would spare Marc’s life if he agreed to be his human avatar and punish the people who cause harm in the world, His Moon Knight.
As Steven and Marc battle with each other while fighting bad guys who are trying to resurrect an ancient God, a huge bombshell is dropped on the audience. You see, Steven Grant is not the primary or true personality… Marc is. Marc dealt with quite a bit of trauma in his life and it all started with the death of his younger brother, which Marc is partially responsible for. From there, his mother began to spiral, drink heavily, and abuse Marc. So much so that he created the “Steven Grant” personality to be the person he wished he could be; someone not worthy of his mother’s wrath. When Marc’s abusive mother dies, the Steven Grant personality becomes the primary due to Marc’s grief and guilt of not attending his mother’s funeral. Moon Knight is an insanely trippy show that leaves you wondering what’s real and what was just in this troubled man’s head. In spite of this, I really resonated with the character of Steven/Marc and came out of the show with a surprising revelation: self reconciliation.
It was only when Marc and Steven accepted each other as one person instead of two that the metaphorical and actual “scales” of life were balanced. It is important to not only deal with your trauma but also reconcile with yourself if you want to feel whole. That’s what Marc/Steven did and that’s what I strive to do in my life. Watching this show made me realize that I need to reconcile with every aspect of my personality. Although I’m not suffering from any personality disorder, I need to accept all parts of myself, the weird, the bad, and the good. Doing this allows all three of these aspects to create well…me. I need to reconcile with the seemingly undesirable parts of myself and see them as what they are, a part of what makes me, me. Just like Marc/Steven, I need to accept every part of myself and understand that my trauma, although pain inducing, is a natural part of me as well. Marc suffered greatly at the hands of his mother and split his personality in order to deal with it. Once he reconciled with not only himself but the fact that his trauma and the resulting personality he created will always be a part of him, he found balance. Balance of the scales in the afterlife, a direct result of taking a bullet from Ethan Hawke’s character, and balance in his waking life; something I wish to have in my personal and professional life.
This journey back into the MCU has been kind of crazy. I definitely had some highs and lows with the quality of some of these shows and movies, but what really surprised me is just how much I learned from these properties. I never expected the Marvel Cinematic Universe to provide me with enlightened advice that has both opened my eyes to new ways of thinking and helped me see my life in a completely different way.
ONE LAST THING: If Marvel is indeed trying to recapture the lightning in a bottle that was the original Avengers saga with these new young Avengers, just go ahead and have these kids assemble already! At this point, Marvel needs to just “embrace the mess” and follow through with what they started. They’ve already lost a ton of money with their previous ventures, R.I.P Antman and the Wasp: Quantumania, and they’re already hemorrhaging vast amounts of fans, so at this point they should just adopt the “Let’s get weird” mentality. The young Avengers, if done correctly, has the potential to bring a lot of fans back and get people excited about Marvel movies again.
